May 20th 2015 – Long Weekend edition

This past weekend I saw Once, the film. Earlier in the year I had seen the live play here in Toronto and enjoyed it. I had been exposed to Once, and the music from the Broadway cast (Tony Award winning) and Steve Kazee and his talent. I liked the music, and looked forward to seeing both of these. The musical theatre was alright, but I did not feel the chemistry between the two lead characters. She was driving him and his talent, but there was not a lot of sharing. But this is background.

The movie is what started it all. Done in 2007, by the original artists of the songs. In the movie, that was minimalistic if there ever has been, you have a simple story told with a handheld camera and production that is downright amateur. But this story lives and dies with the music and the two leads were very good. Better than I had expected anyway. They sang beautifully together and brought these songs to life. I know the songs well and they were performed well and the voices both very good. Mom and step-Dad watched as well and without any background they liked the movie. I agree. It is worth a viewing. Some nice scenes in Dublin. Some thicker accents that can be hard to pick up, but songs that are good.

I have three more episodes in Mad Men.

I have watched three episodes of Turn Season 2.

I have watched episode one, second season of The Fall.

I am reading very positive reviews for Mad Max: Fury Road, and positive feedback from Cannes Film Festival. Looks like a film to catch, as I have seen all Mad Max movies previously. I don’t think that Mel could have pulled off this film from the previews that I have seen.

Jurassic World getting pushed quite hard in commercials, and I hope that they don’t screw it up.

The rogerebert.com review of Tomorrowland was positive although more for the spectacle than the story itself (not sure how rides get to be movies, but here is another one). To me, it’s kind of like video games (like Mario v Luigi and Lara Croft). Happy viewing!

May 8th 2015

Here is a review from Sietz at ebert.com Much of this I would agree with:

http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/ex-machina-2015

I had not been to the movies in a theatre in a good long while. There simply was nothing that I felt compelled to see. Along came Ex Machina and the reviews being almost universally positive and I thought that I would check it out. Bonus was that it was a Tuesday and I saw for half price.

This could be a play, as it involves three core characters and it all happens in just a few rooms in a remote house. The challenge for any theatrical interpretation would be the machina! The work on the female machine here is excellent, with a partially clad, and partially finished robot that has see through appendages and skull. Remarkably,and to the film’s premise, you quickly forget that as she interacts with the other male characters. This is a male/female driven story. Men who wish to create and be God-like, and look for affirmation of their greatness and the women they keep subservient. Oscar Isaac (previously discussed with Most Violent Year) looks very different with shaved head and full beard rather than shaved face and 80s hair. He is very good here once again. He is the eccentric billionaire inventor and also the guy with deep issues. Add to this the sensitive everyman played by dude from About Time, and you have an interesting mix.

In the Ebert review I cannot agree with putting this in a double feature with Under the Skin. I HATED that movie. Better pairings to me might be Her, where human users fall in love with operating systems. Until the humans can no longer hold the attention of those systems. Also Blade Runner too is good with human-like robots who seek extended life, and interact with the humans on the same plain. This was a thought-provoking film and I enjoyed the performances. The robot here says a lot with facial gestures and subtle movement. It’s human but not quite, and it’s acted very well (Alicia Vikander). I was showed the NY Times listed of summer movies and there were a number of coming features that I will seek out. Hopefully more movies in the theatre.

I finished Season 1 of Newsroom and really enjoyed it. Into Season 2. I caught Season 2 episode 1 of Turn (revolutionary war spy series) which still holds my attention. Finally I am caught up with Mad Men and need to watch last few episodes. Netflix took me to episode 6 in this season. Now Rogers On Demand can fill in the blanks.

April 28th, 2015

This weekend was Hector and the Search for Happiness. I wonder why it wasn’t the “pursuit” of happiness but never mind. This was a TIFF film from last Sept which I picked up at the library. Hector played by Simon Pegg is a psychiatrist in London with the same dreary clientele. He has a girlfriend (Rosamund Pike) who I will speak of in more detail, but he is going through the motions. He wants to explore happiness. Pegg is generally very funny, but here that leaning and skill is little used. Hector goes on a journey on his own to quite random places. It becomes a travel log (Singapore? Nepal? Africa? LA?) There is struggles to make meaning of it all, while doodling on his pad and writing down nice sayings.

Pike had an interesting year last year with the Academy nominated Gone Girl performance where she played a manipulative psycho, and here a 180 turn as a simple and antiseptic girlfriend. It is a bland performance, but there is not much material to work with. It would have been better to see more of her. As it was, she played the role of dutiful girlfriend.

This was given lukewarm reviews at TIFF and I can see why. Glad I used my tickets on other films.

On second viewing, I am getting a lot more out of Interstellar. Youngest son wished to watch it this weekend. It did NOT hold his attention. I think he was waiting for laser fights, light sabres and stormtroopers. They did not happen. For me, rather than trying to figure out the science, and follow the plot, I stuck to the relationship of father and daughter (both Cooper and the Doctors). As I mentioned earlier, I am also getting much more out of the music and the church organ. It adds so much, and much more noticeable now. The blu-ray extra bit with Hans Zimmer was really interesting. So I am glad that this was purchased.

I have now watched three episodes of Newsroom and have enjoyed it. I always liked Emily Mortimer, but the star here really is Jeff Daniels, who shouldn’t ever play Dumb and Dumber again. He is smart, intelligent, brash, bold, and makes mistakes. The writing is excellent and the opening speech about America Not the Greatest Country and then the on-air Apology for pandering to poor news for ratings were brilliant. I look forward to more.

Here is the speech:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q49NOyJ8fNA

April 23, 2015

A belated review, from last week I saw A Most Violent Year.

It stars Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain. Isaac was a familiar face who I remember seeing first as Joseph in The Nativity Story. In that I thought that he was very good. Really how much is written about Joseph and how he reacted to all this? Isaac found a way to make him live, and be human and sympathetic. He also played the spoiled King in Ridley Scott’s failed Robin Hood experiment and the King who decides not to agree to the Magna Carta. He was more than a little over the top there.

Here he plays the owner of a New York/New Jersey home heating oil company. He is ambitious and street smart. He married well, and acquired a company from his Wife’s family. She played by Chastain is a daughter of a mobster (who is presently in jail). The roots there are strong and her inclinations lean backwards when things don’t go her way. Here there is a business deal that puts Isaac’s company in a vulnerable position and then bad things start to happen. It’s 1980s NYC when there were more murders and rapes than at any other time. It’s dangerous. But he is trying to run a legit business. By legit, that means “following standard business practices” which in those days meant that there were still some shady dealings and sharp practices for the consumers. The story travels a familiar arc, and it is the performances that are good. Isaac has real personality and presence. He has deep and penetrating looks and stares. He says a lot with his face (I kept thinking that there was more than a little of a young Pacino in him). The story seems a fair bit at times like The Godfather. It’s not on that plain or level but he is good. As for Chastain, she plays the wife well, and she shows the closeness in the relationship. I noted how the couple when they are meeting under stressful circumstances still ask “Are you okay?” It’s a little thing, but shows concern and support. There was thought around Awards time that this could be under consideration. It likely garnered a few votes, but just not enough. I cannot really remember it being in the theatres.

April 6th, 2015

A little belated but here it is for this past weekend.

Get On Up: Picture two studio execs sitting in an office and thinking about what they can produce in film that will be popular and make money. They talk about recent Academy Award winners who has won based on biopics in the music industry. They include Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line), RAY with Jamie Foxx, Marion Cottilard (La Vie en Rose) etc etc. Now these execs think, who else could we portray?! How about the King of Soul? Yea, James Brown! He is colourful!! Indeed he is. And so they go. But what to leave in and what to leave out? Chadwick Boseman does an admirable job at trying to portray James Brown. I frankly find the speech hard to understand at times. But I think that’s the whole point. I couldn’t understand Ozzy Osbourne or Bob Dylan either. Too many drugs likely. Anyway, this story bounces around and Brown has the odd behaviour of talking into the camera often trying to make a point or bring up something. James Brown had a hard life. Prison early on. Parents who abandon him and he made the best anyone ever could of a bad situation with talent and hard work. He also lived in difficult times and yet still flourished. We did not see his many flings with women (He fathered at least 10 kids), nor his extensive drug use nor his physical abusiveness with his wives. In the end, as a movie, this was not as enjoyable. I preferred Boseman in 42 as Jackie Robinson. I cannot recommend this film.

I am working my way through Mad Men. Season 5 was a lot of fun with many divorces and occurrences at the office. I truly do not like the Betty Francis story at all. She is a nasty woman and terrible mother. Overweight, and nasty towards Don (although he obviously deserves it). He early in Season 6 simply cannot stop himself. He is such an above board business man (like dumping Jaguar) while personally his life is a mess.

More movies to come although there has been very little in the theatres to go and see. More tv shows to watch too like The Fall, and Orange is the New Black among others.

March 9th, 2015

I have carried on a debate with people for some time about getting older, and whether in your old age you would rather lose your body or lose your mind? I have seen first-hand both sides. My Grammy, who lived into her late 90s, lost her body. Her eyesight failed with cataracts and she had poor results from surgery late in life. She had pain in her legs but refused pain killers because they made her “fuzzy”. In the end she was in constant pain. My other Grandmother, kept her body for the most part, but suffered from dementia. In the end she did not know her family nor where she was. She remained independent until the last moment possible, but had assisted living when she wandered the streets aimlessly from her St Clair condo. The movie Still Alice explores the whole issue from the latter perspective, and does so very poignantly.

In it, we have a Best Actress Oscar Winner Julianne Moore, with a good supporting cast of Alec Baldwin, Kristen Strewart, and the almost unrecognizable Kate Bosworth (eat a sammich!!). Moore plays a much awarded linguistics professor from Columbia University and just turned 50 yo! I note fifty with an exclamation mark since this is not that far away for yours truly! Anyway, she notices herself stumbling on words and forgetting the odd thing or appointment. She gets lost running one day on campus. She eventually sees her doctor, and a Neurologist who suspects early Alzheimer’s disease. The diagnosis is confirmed with MRI evidence and noted as rare “familial Alzheimer’s” which is genetic, and passed from one generation to the next. If you have the gene, then you are 100% to get the disease.

We see this disease from early stages right along to its rapid progression as this woman struggles. There are many quality scenes here, but this hits home and is thought-provoking on a couple levels for me. First there is a personal level, where one wonders in middle age whether this would strike me down. Where in essence we are, and consist of, little more than our experiences and our memories. And what would we be if that was slowly and steadily taken away from us? But there is the parental aspect of this too, where you could have a sibling or a parent be diagnosed. The movie is very early Alzheimer’s but it is more a elderly disease. But how cruel is it, to have your mind and memories taken from you?

In the debate I have with myself, I would rather lose my body. I would like to keep my mind. My reasoning is that I remain sharp and I am still “there”. I could suffer the pain of a crippled body on my own and deal with it. This is preferable in my mind than losing one’s mind and memories. I think that those around you suffer more, as you are blissfully unaware and somewhere else. Like Ally in The Notebook and countless other examples, I don’t want to put my loved ones through this. This movie explores painfully and sadly what can happen and what a devastating disease this can be. It is thought provoking, and it has stayed with me. I have to admit that I really am not much of a Julianne Moore fan, and I did see her outside the theatre at TIFF where this was playing (in fact I walked right by her going to see another nominated film Two Days One Night with Marion Cotillard). But this was a very good performance. If movies are about bringing forward issues and casting new light on them, then this issue helps in the fight against Alzheimer’s. In the movie, Moore’s character says that she would rather have gotten cancer. Incredibly but truthfully, the reasoning is because cancer sufferers are thought of as victims and there are rallys and runs and things that people do. For Alzheimer’s people around you just look at you and wonder what’s happened to you, and it’s not as galvanizing a cause. Perhaps it should be.

February 17th, 2015

This past week has been a busy one to catch up on movies for the coming Oscars on Sunday night. I have all but American Sniper watched (and I finished half of that yesterday). I watched Boyhood last Thursday and then The Boxtrolls (animated nominee) and finally Selma last night.

None of these viewings changed my mind as to the Best Picture for 2014. It is still The Imitation Game for me. I enjoyed both Boyhood and Selma for different reasons. Both are worthy nominees for Best Picture.

Boyhood was long and plodded along. It was an ordinary story about everyday life in South central US. In this case Texas. Young boy in the beginning grows and ages over time and we see most of that in his hair style. Those around him do as well. Mom, older precocious and overly-talkative sister and then Dad (already separated from Mom when we meet him). Dad is finding his way early. Not really there, exploring music and not seeing his kids much. We find out that eldest daughter wasn’t exactly planned. Mom moves into an educational mode going back to school and hooks up with a couple wrong men – hard drinking men who are abusive in different ways. Meanwhile boy grows and find out what interests him. He is an interesting kid. Quite a commitment from a Director to sign him on for 12 years. I wonder how much of the story was scripted out in Year 1. Likely most. But how much leeway was there for shaping it to the kid’s interests and personality? For me, this is Best Director. I do not see the Supporting Actress nominations here. Hawke nor Arquette. Neither of the roles is an emotional stretch. There are not many powerful soliloquies, except Mom who selfishly and incredibly takes away from son’s life event moment of going off to College. Sad really.

Selma was last night and I see the thievery from the Academy for David Oyelowo who is cast as MLK. Our much talked about discussion on bio-pics runs true here. You can watch the MLK speeches in Montgomery Alabama. Can watch the other very public aspects of King’s life at this time. Yet Oyelowo finds more than home movies here. More than newsreel footage. You see real emotion and angst as he struggles at home and with those who are losing loved ones based upon his direction and his commitment to non-violence. It’s powerful. Much like Stephen Hawking the life is well known. It’s in the spotlight. But to have him not even nominated, it is a travesty. Plain and simple. I cringe at the fast that most of the Academy is American. It puts good films not focused on the US (like Imitation Game at a disadvantage) but one would think that it would assist with a Best Actor nomination. Overall, quality performances with a powerful story. As a lawyer, the legal “right” to something clearly can be usurped by ill-intended clerks and local administrators who can prevent basic rights – like voting which have a ripple effect on judges, juries and the whole legal system. Here too, we have Lyndon Johnson, who I don’t think that history has treated kindly (justifiably so) showing more fortitude ultimately than I think was there. If it is true, it is amazing how much communication took place between the President and MLK directly.

Finally the Boxtrolls. Here is a Sheridan College grad directing and old school animation piece – with stop animation where every movement is done by hand and filmed one frame at a time. Not computers. This is very nice looking. Remarkable in look and feel in places. The story suffers. This is not Finding Nemo or Beauty and the Beast. It is a decent tale, but it did not grab my 10yo’s attention. I am still amazed that Lego Movie got snubbed. Not even nominated. There is no accounting for taste it would seem. Does the father figure and mayor of the town really care more for CHEESE than his own daughter? Think on that.

February 9th, 2015

So based upon the favourable reviews, the number of nominations (including Best Picture) and the win at the Golden Globes and BAFTA awards for Eddie Redmayne for Best Actor I finally had a chance to see The Theory of Everything. I share in many of Alison’s views (previously shared) about biopics and the acting challenge that it requires. In the last 10 years, there have been 6 biopic Best Actors award winners and 4 non-biopic. The last six years it has been alternating between biopics and not. Last year was NOT with Matthew McConaughey. The year before was Yes for Lincoln. Then The Artist (No), Kings’s Speech (Yes), Crazy Heart (No), Milk (yes) and Last King of Scotland (Yes). If the pattern continues, and it will, this year we have a biopic winner. But history aside, what about the movie?

I had heard mixed reviews about the film. All the nominations quite frankly surprised me. The two key performances with Redmayne and the Wife (Felicity Jones) are solid. This is a story of remarkable resilience for a man who was given a death sentence (“two years to live”) early on in his life. We see his struggles and the brilliance of his mind. Much like Daniel Day Lewis with Christie Brown in My Left Foot, you have a physical transformation of the man as he succumbs to the disease. His body folds away underneath him and settles uneasily into a wheelchair ultimately. There is a scene of tremendous struggle where he tries to get up a flight of stairs to his bedroom with his young toddler son watching. Another after he loses the power of speech. Still, he has the love and support from his Wife. She is good as well. Although for the older scenes as she ages, she is just a little too young looking still. I was awaiting her Jennifer Connolly A Beautiful Mind moment where she explodes from frustration in dealing with her everyday life, but she doesn’t. Maybe that is a strength in the performance, but somehow I think that more range can be shown. Or perhaps it comes from the fact that this movie is based upon Jane’s own book of living with Stephen. It reminds me of The Affair (just begun for me to see on a plane this weekend – where perspective plays a huge roll and the same scene is shown to different eyes and lens). Maybe that is HER interpretation of events with him. Redmayne has to show range through his face, and body language as his character loses speech fairly early on. I did find it predictable as a story, and I cannot think of this as the Best Picture. I like Imitation Game and Birdman more than this –unfairly comparing completely different films. But back to Alison’s point, Professor Hawking is still alive. There is much footage about his life and his history. In many ways Redmayne is replaying old home movies. To that end, I am still backing Cumberbatch as a better performance and gets my vote for Best Actor. Redmayne will likely win. But to me, there is more to fill in (and act) for a character who was not as well known. In the end we will see.

Another film started but not finished for me was The Judge. Another TIFF film with Robert Duvall and Robert Downey is his most smart-ass like self acting as a lawyer separated by life from his family. They don’t get along, and he and his Judge father do not talk. But his Mom dies and he needs to pay his respects to this backwater town in Indiana to bury her. He meets up with younger and older brothers. He exchanges groans with Dad until Dad is charged with hitting a local everyman with his car and killing him. Step in Robert Downey and let the clichés rain on down. I did not even see the ending, but I know how this ends. Let’s just say the youngest brother in the family finds a way to film his way into saving the day! That is a total guess on my part so I cannot be said to give it all away. But I don’t feel the need to finish this film as it was going through the motions. Billy Bob Thornton is admirable as a cocky Prosecutor. And there is Vera Farmiga who should work more, and so should the woman playing her daughter. But I am glad that I did not pay $25 to see this film.

Incidentally, having seen Episode 2, 3 and 4 of The Affair that won best drama in TV for Golden Globes I am enjoying the story. I like the perspectives taken, and the intrigue. I will watch more episodes.

January 26th, 2015

Oscar season is upon us, and to that end there are a number of films for me to catch up on. I saw for a second time Imitation Game this weekend and re-confirmed what I had been thinking; that this is one of the Best Films of the Year. So far it is my pick. And although it is a biopic, and agreed on my part with Alison, that it isn’t as much of a stretch for an actor (here we have a man, Turing who has been dead since 1954). I like the various themes here, and the notion that it was women (not only Joan Clark but the receiver of messages on the wires) as well as this gay man who solved Enigma and shortened the war effort by a couple years.

I saw Birdman and also Cake this weekend.

Birdman was really good on a number of levels. Michael Keaton was really good and so was Edward Norton. I typically am not an Emma Stone fan, but she was also very good in a supporting role. It is an interesting view on fame, relevance, the theatre and critics. All at the same time. It is well acted, with some extraordinary interactions. It is beautifully filmed in NYC, and in a theatre with great use of lighting and colour. The music too adds much to the whole feel of the picture. Here we have a tortured narcissist and actor who had been a great comic book movie star, but has done little since. He is looking to become relevant by creating an original play for Broadway (writing, acting and directing). Norton re-affirms what I already knew about him; he is a great actor and needs to work more on quality projects. The interaction among the characters is its strength and it has great writing. Worthy of its’ many nominations (Best Film, Director, Actor, Supporting Actor and Actress).

Cake was okay. A rather simple story really of a woman in chronic pain after an accident of some kind. A fellow woman in pain therapy had taken her own life (Anna Kendrick) and that leaves this woman trying to understand herself and this other woman’s motivations. Can’t say that this was an Oscar performance, and Aniston was not nominated (although she got a Golden Globe nomination). It was a bit slow, and I can’t say that the acting (beyond showing pain) was over the top excellent. Here like Birdman is a protagonist who has internal voices, or those who speak to them that are not necessarily there.

Guess I need to see The Theory of Everything at some point.

January 5th, 2015

Welcome to the first edition in 2015 for Mondays. It was a great holiday break is year filled with many movies. Great times. And some time away from the office. For movies there was a lot of quality that was seen.

First and foremost we start with the most recent film watched. Last Friday at VIP cinema. The Imitation Game simply needs to be seen. It is, I think, and also predict the best film of the year. It won the TIFF prize. It is also a first rate story with quality performances. Benedict Cumberbatch is superb and plays this quirky role with aplomb. Keira Knightly brought more to her role than I would have expected. This movie is a human story but also deals with deeper issues like how do you keep the knowledge of cracking an uncrackable encryption from the enemy, thereby keeping him using it. First rate. Highest rating.

Into the Woods was a musical that girlfriend and her theatre friends were eager to see put on film with the assembled cast including Meryl Streep. Emily Blunt has a golden globe nomination. Anna Kendrick is also here. I knew nothing of the story. Youngest son came as well. He was bored. I found the story slow. There were no songs to leave humming but clever song writing. The two princes song was funny and good. The Cinderella song very clever. Sondheim does multiple voices well. Still it was a story that did not entreat. Girlfriend enjoyed more as it was a trip down memory lane. She had played the Baker’s Wife role (Blunt) and knew every word of the performances. For her it was true to the play but good not great. A fair evaluation to me. A rental.

A Good Lie. Saw this Christmas Eve on video and enjoyed it thoroughly. An engaging story well told of Sudanese refugees. Don’t fool yourself about Reese Witherspoon. This is not her film. It is about these young men and their struggle. Their resilience. Overcoming obstacles. Staying true to themselves and persevering. I liked them. I respected their choices and their desire to follow through with their family. The human spirit can be a remarkable thing. I think that Unbroken will show this as well. To be seen and reviewed by me (I just finished reading the book and enjoyed it).

Equalizer. Denzel as you had pointed out and disappointing. It becomes formulaic. And there is the nasty Russian mob who bullies a helpless hooker and Denzel rides in to make it right. But it becomes ridiculous when he flies to Russia to take out the “big boss”. (Cough) bullshit!!! Just sayin.

More to come as Selma beckons me as well as American Sniper. Likely Foxcatcher too. But the nominations will come out soon and there will be much still to see. Oscar is on the horizon.

The Giver. Please, take it back.

Meryl Streep and Jeff Bridges (in Bridge’s best marble-in-the-mouth voice)….here is a movie that Meryl has no business making. It is a Divergent rip off. It is not done as well. It is forgettable, utterly and completely. It was a FREE movie Thursday (note: every thursday you use Promo Code THURSDAY and get a free movie in a Red Box). This was not a good movie. Cannot recommend.

Boyhood is now on the Red Box and I need to see it. All 3.5 hours of it, but still need to see.

I am still trying to figure out all the love for The Theory of Everything. Redmayne wins the Best Actor. I had heard from the reviews that it was simply average.

I am disappointed to read about American Sniper. Eastwood usually puts forth good work.

I was pleasantly surprised to see JK Simmonds win. Grand Budapest simply makes me shake my head, and Lego movie losing to Dragon 2??!!? Huh?!!

Here was the joke from The Aristocrats that got me going:

A pianist and composer walking down the street sees a sign outside of a piano bar that reads, “Pianist wanted. Inquire within.” So he goes inside, speaks to the bartender, and sets up an audition.

For his audition, the pianist plays the most amazing jazz piece ever. The bartender is just floored. He sees that this pianist is going to triple his business. So the bartender asks, “Who wrote that?”

“I did,” says the pianist.

“Wow!” says the bartender. “What’s it called?”

“I fuck goats on Sunday,” replies the pianist.

The bartender does a double take, and almost throws the pianist out of the bar, but instead asks to hear another piece. So the pianist plays a magnificent classical piece that is sexy and suave at the same time.

“Wow,” says the bartender. “Who was that? Fuckin’ Mozart or something?”

“No,” says the pianist. “I wrote it! It’s called ‘Your mother is a two-bit whore but she gave me half off!'”

“Hey, man,” says the bartender. “Your stuff is awesome, but do you have anything without an obscene title?”

The pianist thinks for a minute, and then says, “Nope.”

The bartender thinks for a minute himself, then agrees to hire the pianist as long as he *never* tells anyone the title of his songs. The pianist agrees, and thus begins a wonderful relationship. The bar is packed, the pianist gets quite a following, it becomes one of the most happening places in town.

One day, the pianist is playing one of his particularly sexy pieces, and he sees an attractive girl at the bar eyeing him quite suggestively. So after finishing the piece, the pianist winks at her and heads to the bathroom. She follows him in, and gives him a blowjob. He finishes up, she gets up, leaves. A minute later, he heads back out to start playing again.

Everyone in the bar is staring at him. He thinks it’s because they all realize that he just hooked up with a really attractive woman in the bathroom. But then one of the patrons shouts out, “Hey, Piano Man, you know your zipper’s open, your dick’s hanging out, and there’s jism on it!?!”

The pianist grins widely and says, “Do I know it? I wrote it!”