Welcome to the first edition in 2015 for Mondays. It was a great holiday break is year filled with many movies. Great times. And some time away from the office. For movies there was a lot of quality that was seen.
The Giver. Please, take it back.
Here was the joke from The Aristocrats that got me going:
For his audition, the pianist plays the most amazing jazz piece ever. The bartender is just floored. He sees that this pianist is going to triple his business. So the bartender asks, “Who wrote that?”
“I did,” says the pianist.
“Wow!” says the bartender. “What’s it called?”
“I fuck goats on Sunday,” replies the pianist.
The bartender does a double take, and almost throws the pianist out of the bar, but instead asks to hear another piece. So the pianist plays a magnificent classical piece that is sexy and suave at the same time.
“Wow,” says the bartender. “Who was that? Fuckin’ Mozart or something?”
“No,” says the pianist. “I wrote it! It’s called ‘Your mother is a two-bit whore but she gave me half off!'”
“Hey, man,” says the bartender. “Your stuff is awesome, but do you have anything without an obscene title?”
The pianist thinks for a minute, and then says, “Nope.”
The bartender thinks for a minute himself, then agrees to hire the pianist as long as he *never* tells anyone the title of his songs. The pianist agrees, and thus begins a wonderful relationship. The bar is packed, the pianist gets quite a following, it becomes one of the most happening places in town.
One day, the pianist is playing one of his particularly sexy pieces, and he sees an attractive girl at the bar eyeing him quite suggestively. So after finishing the piece, the pianist winks at her and heads to the bathroom. She follows him in, and gives him a blowjob. He finishes up, she gets up, leaves. A minute later, he heads back out to start playing again.
Everyone in the bar is staring at him. He thinks it’s because they all realize that he just hooked up with a really attractive woman in the bathroom. But then one of the patrons shouts out, “Hey, Piano Man, you know your zipper’s open, your dick’s hanging out, and there’s jism on it!?!”
The pianist grins widely and says, “Do I know it? I wrote it!”